Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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