i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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