i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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