somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
