Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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