i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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