I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize