You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
