I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
