Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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