When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize