his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
