Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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