Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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