FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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