I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
