Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
