Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize