Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
