The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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