I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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