Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
now i know why i became what i already was.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
