just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
