Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
