drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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