Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
