i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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