Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows