Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.