Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
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you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.