Just fell off a train. Bad.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
