White coat. Heels.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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