I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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