Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
