Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
