We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
