Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
