i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
