My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
