I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
