our cab driver is having phone sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
