she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
