Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
