i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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