..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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