Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
