I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
