I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
