i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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