idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize