I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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