Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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