I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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