My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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