Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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