I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
