Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
