My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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