we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
