Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
