Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
