Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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