You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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