i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
