You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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