One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
