Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
