sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
