God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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