And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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