I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
