Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
