Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
