can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
