When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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