If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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