Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
