fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
