seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
